14: To love converts

The Book of Knowledge
Laws of Character
To love converts (Deut. 10:19)

 Act I

They’ll shrink me down to the size of a gumdrop. They said they could. They said I could join their world. Pocket worlds in the buttercups. Infinitesimal cities lining the petunias. There’s ancient ruins in the marigolds. The garden out back, that’s a fucking galaxy. They said anyone can join the fairy world but you have to want it, want it more than anything else, you have to be on their frequency, they won’t talk to you otherwise. They talked to me. They sensed my frequency. They said I’m one of them, could be of them, they sang songs that made me cry, they love me, there’s a palace on the underside of an aloe leaf, they said it’s mine if I join them. I’ve read their runes, I know their cosmology, in a way I’m already one of them. I’ve never felt more loved.

I don’t understand. I love you.

I love you too. They love me more. They said I can join them.

You can’t shrink yourself down in size. Maybe metaphorically but like not literally. You can’t shrink yourself.

I can’t. They can. They will.

Act II

They said it takes time.

They would say that.

They said not to rush it. They said there could be consequences if I did. Bones out of whack, marrow spilt, you can imagine.

I can.

If you do it wrong you’re a meat puppet turned inside out. So you go slowly.

If they say so.

They say so.

Act III

Two months and still nothing.

I’m making myself worthy. It takes/ time.

Time. Yes you said.

But any day now-

You’re not worthy, you’re not, it’s why they stopped speaking to you, why you’ve not had a visit from Queen Mab or whoever the fuck in months, fucking batshit with your fairies in the garden, I mean fucking fuck.

I hate when you drink brandy. Brandy makes you mean.

I used to want to fuck you, remember fucking? I can’t fuck whimsy, this is all too much whimsy, if you give this up I can fuck you again. Otherwise. Otherwise. Otherwise…

Any day now.

Act IV

I’m leaving today. They said I’m ready.

Gonna meet Thumbelina?

Maybe.

How big will you be?

Half a penny. Is what they said. That’s how big.

How do they do.

A ritual. Incantation. Oil on the forehead. And so forth.

Infantile. Soiling yourself with fairytales. It’s embarrassing.

I loved you.

Send me a sugar plum once you’ve arrived.

Act V

If you come back I’ll love you again, I can’t love you if I can’t see you, but I can love you again, I can I can I can, but I have to see you. Won’t you come back? The garden’s not a galaxy, the garden is shit, and fuck you how dare you, and you never even asked me, I’m alone now, you were supposed to fix the garage door, who will do that now? We were supposed to go to Peru, we were supposed to have children. I can love you again, but not if they love you. Can you hear me?

            the garden is silent

            END OF PLAY