17: not to embarrass others

The Book of Knowledge
Laws of Character
Not to embarrass others (Lev 19:17)

             a customer service call

–          i’m so sorry we have no record of these funds

–          but they’re my funds

–          and we have no record of them

–          i have records i can show-

–          but those are your records not ours

–          but if i gave them to you then they can be part of your records

–          we’re not in the business of that

–          in the business of what?

–          collecting more records than necessary

–          but if you don’t have this record this/ seems a bit necessary

–          but we are not in the business of forging records

–          how is me showing you my own records forgery? 

–          BlockBank considers any and all records outside of our purview
            to constitute forgery 

–          what would constitute an accurate record?

–          any of our records 

–          what if your records are incorrect? 

–          our records cannot be incorrect 

–          why not? 

–          they are our records

–          IT’S MY MONEY

–          all right please let’s be calm

–          i bought this fucking dancing chimpanzee painting

–          yes it’s quite lovely i’m fond of the tutu he’s wearing

–          me too

–          i own a version where his tutu is aquamarine

–          i can’t get my chimpanzee doing ballet
            wearing a tutu at the MetLife stadium
            because you refuse to acknowledge that i bought it

–          i’m not denying that you bought anything
             i’m simply saying we have no record 

–          but just because there’s no record doesn’t mean it didn’t happen

–          if there is no record than functionally it is as though it did not happen

–          i gave you 4.75 WooferCoinz for this/ dancing chimpanzee
            and YOU’RE NOT-

–          please sir please calm down
            …
            …
            sir?
            are you still there sir? 

–          …
            yes 

–          are you crying sir?

–          …
            …
            …
            i really wanted that monkey 

–          i’m/ very sorry

–          i really really REALLY wanted that monkey
            do you know how long i mined for these Woofer Coinz?
            months
            MONTHS
            LITERAL MONTHS OF MINING 

–          literal months but not literal mining

–          I GOT WOOFERCOINZ SO I DESERVE A DANCING CHIMP GIF 

–          you do not deserve a dancing chimp
            none of us deserve a dancing chimp
            this is one of those moments sir
            one of those moments where life is hard
            life can be hard sir
            BlockBank does not create hardship
            but it cannot banish the existence of hardship
            and so yes
            you may have successfully mined your WooferCoinz
            which is impressive sir it truly is
            how may are in your crypto wallet? 

–          …
            fifteen 

–          my goodness
            fifteen WooferCoinz?
            FIFTEEN?
            that’s a house sir
            that’s a Lamborghini sir
            that’s a yacht in the Caribbean sir
            why are you arguing on the phone with me sir about some little NFT?
            go buy yourself a Rolex sir
            a Fabrege egg sir 

–          …
            i want the monkey 

–          you're rich sir there’s no need to- 

–          I WANT THE MONKEY I WANT IT TO BE MINE IT IS MINE I PAID FOR IT IS NO ONE ELSE’S IT’S MY NON-FUNGIBLE HOLY GRAIL MY POT OF GOLD AT THE END OF THE BLOCKCHAIN MY CRYPTO EL DORADO IT IS MY MONKEY MINE LET ME MAKE MY MONKEY DANCE

–         …
            …
            …
            sir?
            …
            …
            …
            i’ll transfer you to escalations

            END OF PLAY