20: Not to take revenge
The Book of Knowledge
Laws of Character
Not to take revenge (Lev. 19:16)
a PRISONER and an INQUISITOR in an interrogation cell
PRISONER
i’ve been here twelve hours
INQUISITOR
sorry ‘bout that
PRISONER
and i haven’t been told-
INQUISITOR
right well the paperwork
PRISONER
you punched me in my fucking face?
INQUISITOR
protocol
PRISONER
it’s been two days
INQUISITOR
the paperwork my god you can’t-
PRISONER
does my husband know?
INQUISITOR
oh he’s already here
PRISONER
when did he-
INQUISITOR
on your third day-
PRISONER
my home?
INQUISITOR
smashed to bits i’m afraid
PRISONER
my daughter?
INQUISITOR
she has a new family
PRISONER
let me OUT it’s been days
INQUISITOR
weeks actually
PRISONER
months actually
INQUISITOR
your first-year anniversary
i’m so proud
have a balloon
PRISONER
i don’t want a balloon
INQUISITOR
have two it’s been two years
PRISONER
where are my papers? where is my charge?
INQUISITOR
the back office you can’t imagine
PRISONER
seem handsome enough
INQUISITOR
who me?
PRISONER
if you needed companionship-
INQUISITOR
well fuck alrighty then
PRISONER
it’s okay it’s okay it’s really not that small
INQUISITOR
we can’t keep on like this
HR is asking
PRISONER
three years
INQUISITOR
almost done processing-
PRISONER
no one fed me this week
INQUISITOR
whoops
PRISONER
no one fed me this month
INQUISITOR
you should’ve died
PRISONER
ate rats in the dark
INQUISITOR
clever girl
PRISONER
i’ve lost all my hair
INQUISITOR
your teeth?
PRISONER
gone
INQUISITOR
taste?
PRISONER
gone
INQUISITOR
very interesting
PRISONER
my mind?
INQUISITOR
gone
PRISONER
i see little men in the cracks of the wall
they have secrets to tell
INQUISITOR
your husband’s been released
PRISONER
husband what’s that?
INQUISITOR
sorry about the finger
PRISONER
i’ve still got nine more
INQUISITOR
sorry about the ear
PRISONER
i’ve still got the left one
INQUISITOR
after four years you’d think they’d have processed-
PRISONER
toast smeared with bounties of fishermen swimming upstream into porridge
INQUISITOR
so we’re at crazy crazy
PRISONER
popsicle stick feather duster model train blubbering boils spiders in my throat and snakes from eyeballs pop pop pop into the spelunking blueprint we crackled away on lighting strings of whirling dervish do-or-die WHERE IS THE PAPERWORK WHAT IS MY CRIME
INQUISITOR
after five years you still don’t know?
beat
the HUSBAND enters
slowly
he sits down across from PRISONER
HUSBAND
hi baby
INQUISITOR
your husband
PRISONER
took him you said
INQUISITOR
no said he was here
and he was
the whole time
HUSBAND
yeah sorry babe it’s my fault
PRISONER
you-
HUSBAND
yes
PRISONER
concocted this inferno?
HUSBAND
yeah whoops sorry
PRISONER
why?
why?
HUSBAND
shrugging
i wanted to
beat
plus you cheated
PRISONER
when?
HUSBAND
in here with him
INQUISITOR
hi
PRISONER
but that was after i was taken-
HUSBAND
but you were predisposed
so
PRISONER
how much longer?
how much longer?
beat
HUSBAND smiles
HUSBAND
however long till death
the INQUISITOR punches the HUSBAND right in the face
the HUSBAND falls down cold
INQUISITOR
you’re the love of my life
PRISONER
oh
INQUISITOR
i couldn’t let him do this to you any longer
PRISONER
all right then
INQUISITOR
love me forever?
the INQUISITOR puts a gun on the table
your revenge my dear
beat
PRISONER takes the gun
points it at the HUSBAND’s head
finger on the trigger
for a long long time
but she doesn’t shoot him
she slowly lowers the gun
PRISONER
i’m going now
PRISONER walks towards the door
INQUISITOR
but our love-
PRISONER shoots the INQUISITOR in the foot
INQUISITOR howls in pain
PRISONER puts the gun down on the table
she leaves
END OF PLAY