37: Not to love the missionary

The Book of Knowledge
Laws of Idolatry and Paganism
Not to love the missionary (Deut. 13:9)

            1096
            the city of Metz
            a CHRISTIAN CRUSADER and a JEWISH PEASANT in bed

CRUSADER
did it hurt when they cut the skin down there?

PEASANT
i was a baby

CRUSADER
even so

PEASANT
do you remember your baptism?

CRUSADER
vividly

PEASANT
you have a nice cock too

CRUSADER
don’t
talk about it

PEASANT
we’re discussing mine

CRUSADER
only it’s abnormalities

PEASANT
what about your thighs? can i talk about your thighs?

CRUSADER
no

PEASANT
what about your hands your massive callused hands?

CRUSADER
at home i’m a farmer
i rise before the sun and work all day
these are farmer calluses

PEASANT
i like them

CRUSADER
i’m working on my battle scars now

PEASANT
why have you gone on crusade?

CRUSADER
this and that
what do you do?

PEASANT
this and that

CRUSADER
moneylending?

PEASANT
no

CRUSADER
really?

PEASANT
no

            the CRUSADER gets out of bed
            he starts getting dressed

CRUSADER
i have to go now

PEASANT
i’m not a moneylender

CRUSADER
i know that

PEASANT
no one in Metz will fuck me
you’re the only one
life here is so dull
my father thought i’d become a rabbi
i have the intelligence but not the drive
i don’t want to read Torah day
i’d rather be split apart
by men like you

i prowl the streets but it’s impossible to find what i want
you’re what i want
won’t you stay?

            the CRUSADER is fully dressed

CRUSADER
no

PEASANT
say you like my cock
at least say that

            the CRUSADER pulls out his sword
            rams it through the PEASANT’s chest
            CRUSADER waits until the PEASANT dies

CRUSADER
i like your cock

            a commotion is heard outside

            CRUSADER goes to check the window

            he opens the door

            dozens more CRUSADERS pile in

            they ransack the home

            smashing and looting

            they pull at the PEASANT’s limbs

            they tears his body apart

            tossing the pieces about

            when they are satisfied they run out

            the original CRUSADER pulls out a cross

            hammers it over the door

            he exits

            END OF PLAY