60: Not to be superstitious
The Book of Knowledge
Laws of Idolatry and Paganism
Not to be superstitious (Lev 19:26)
1
a monastery in 12th century France
BROTHER LOUIS and BROTHER FREDRICK
BROTHER FREDERICK holds a severed human toe aloft
FREDERICK
his toe
beat
HIS TOE
beat
I HAVE HIS TOE
LOUIS
heard you the first time
FREDERICK
HIS TOE THE SAVIOR’S TOE
LOUIS
yes
beat
you come from damp dark lands
it's understandable that you’d be easily fooled
FREDERICK
THERE IS A PROPHECY
LOUIS
there always is
the Church though
you can imagine
takes these claims quite seriously
there will need to be tests-
FREDERICK
/MY TOE
LOUIS
-to determine the veracity of your claim this toe belongs to our Lord and Savior
FREDERICK
YOU CANNOT HAVE MY TOE
2
a huge crowd gathered in the sanctuary of the monastery
you see it?
yeah yeah/ i came last Sunday
is it bone or does the skin still live?
is it a left or right/ toe do we know?
is it grey with death? or pulsing and alive?
i’ve traveled from Paris i’ve walked/ for weeks now-
i’d stopped/ believing in God but if it’s really his toe-
HEY FUCKER HOLD IT UP WE CAN’T SEE BACK HERE
in Avignon i hear/ they have a splinter from the cross
is there blood? have you pricked it?
a toe’s much better
CAN’T FUCKING SEE C’MON
does it have a toenail?
3
a modern day museum
the toe is in a glass case
two MUSEUMGOERS observe it
MUSEUMGOER 1
it’s plump
MUSEUMGOER 2
mmmm
MUSEUMGOER 1
i didn’t think it would be so plump
MUSEUMGOER 2
mmm
MUSEUMGOER 1
i thought by the time it came dislodged
it would have been quite thin
MUSEUMGOER 2
the savior
in the minds of medieval peasants and monks
silly people silly minds
must be rotund after death
demonstration that he is bursting with God’s blessings
MUSEUMGOER 1
i don’t think that’s true
MUSEUMGOER 2
mmmm
MUSEUMGOER 1
i feel overwhelmed by the toe
my soul clawing up through my throat
do you suppose that’s normal?
FREDERICK
yes
the MUSEUMGOERS turn
behind them is BROTHER FREDERICK in his medieval garb
the MUSEUMGOERS didn’t notice him enter
BROTHER FREDERICK prostrates himself before the toe
MUSEUMGOER 1 does the same
MUSEUMGOER 2 watches them both confused
a tour group comes in
snapping photos of the toe
stepping on MUSEUMGOER 1 and BROTHER FREDERICK as they do
but the two of them do not budge
4
the 12th century again
the BISHOP and BROTHER LOUIS
BISHOP
the Church has verified the carnage as having come from the Passion
LOUIS
the Church is saying that Jesus lost a toe on the cross?
BISHOP
we are saying it has been verified by the Church
LOUIS
but is it real?
BISHOP
we have decided it will be
this monastery will be duly honored as a holy site
pilgrims will cross mountains in search of your dank corner of Christendom
where the Lord’s toe was recovered
BROTHER LOUIS
it’s real
BISHOP
that is what we have decided to say
beat
BROTHER LOUIS weeps
a great banging at the door
SOLDIERs rush in
lots of shouting and looting and killing
a great fight for the toe
the cacophony builds
we cannot tell who won
we cannot tell who has the toe
as the violence reaches a climax-
END OF PLAY