85: To bless the Almighty after eating

The Book of Love of God
Laws of Blessings
To bless the Almighty after eating (Deut. 8:10)

CW: violent imagery, homophobic slur

            a DRAG QUEEN in Gehinnom

            she stands before a panel of JUDGES

            sounds of torment heard from just offstage

SCARY JUDGE
you ate
            beat
you ate
            beat
you
ate

DRAG QUEEN
i
…
ate what?

SCARY JUDGE
you
ate

DRAG QUEEN
am i dead?

SCARY JUDGE
FOCUS

FRIENDLY-BUT-MEEK JUDGE
let’s not frighten her

DRAG QUEEN
I AM ACTUALLY QUITE FRIGHTENED

RESERVED JUDGE
why?

DRAG QUEEN
I’M DEAD I’M
…
i’m in Hell/ i presume?

RESERVED JUDGE
Gehinnom not Hell
why does/ everyone think this is Hell?

FRIENDLY-BUT-MEEK JUDGE
it’s ok most everyone/ makes that mistake

SCARY JUDGE
FOCUS

RESERVED JUDGE
tell us about “Drag Queens to Hell”

DRAG QUEEN
as in…?

FRIENDLY-BUT-MEEK JUDGE
it’s a party you threw?

DRAG QUEEN
you wanna know about some party?

RESERVED JUDGE
“Drag Queens to Hell”

FRIENDLY-BUT-MEEK JUDGE
the advertisement
            pulls out a flyer to read
called it “an evening of horror drag for horny fags”
am i allowed to say that word?

DRAG QUEEN
isn’t
…
aren’t we here to
…
what about my soul?

RESERVED JUDGE
that’s what we’re discussing
this party you threw-

DRAG QUEEN
just a performer

RESERVED JUDGE
this party you performed at
            checks notes
the Rooster

DRAG QUEEN
…
wait
…
did i
…
did i die at-

FRIENDLY-BUT-MEEK JUDGE
i’m so sorry you had to find out this way

DRAG QUEEN
i died at the party?

FRIENDLY-BUT-MEEK JUDGE
“party foul” amiright?

DRAG QUEEN
how did i specifically-

SCARY JUDGE
YOUR SPARK OF DIVINITY
DEFEND YOUR SPARK OF DIVINITY

            beat

DRAG QUEEN
okaaaaay

RESERVED JUDGE
tell us about your performance

DRAG QUEEN
as a human being?

RESERVED JUDGE
your performance at the “Drag Queens to Hell” party

FRIENDLY-BUT-MEEK JUDGE
it’s a very clever theme

DRAG QUEEN
…
i was sort of doing Linda Blair in The Exorcist
but i also was doing the demon that possesses her
and there was this “evil creature bursting out of my chest” bit
with puppets
kind of like Alien but not
and i was lipsyncing to “Tainted Love”
with satanic chanting interspersed in the track
…
it wasn’t the most focused number i’ve ever put together

FRIENDLY-BUT-MEEK JUDGE
the hustle
the grind
i get it

RESERVED JUDGE
you are an ageless spectral nonhuman judge in the afterlife
what do you know of hustle and grind?

FRIENDLY-BUT-MEEK JUDGE
…
nothing i guess

DRAG QUEEN
was that offensive?
did i offend?
did i blaspheme?
i’m
…
if penance is
…
i can absolve my sins if you’ll let me

RESERVED JUDGE
oh blasphemy doesn’t concern us

DRAG QUEEN
it doesn’t?

RESERVED JUDGE
it doesn’t

FRIENDLY-BUT-MEEK JUDGE
no issue with the demonic stylings of the number

RESERVED JUDGE
personally i love horror movies

FRIENDLY-BUT-MEEK JUDGE
i like them if they’re not too scary

SCARY JUDGE
i like the Hostel movies

DRAG QUEEN
that tracks

RESERVED JUDGE
our issue is not with the content of the performance

DRAG QUEEN
then what-

SCARY JUDGE
you “ate” did you not?
you “served the house down” is that not true?
“no crumbs left” am i right in saying?
i’m just reading the report

DRAG QUEEN
i don’t remember

FRIENDLY-BUTMEEK JUDGE
everyone was really enjoying it before you exploded on stage/
you got so many tips

DRAG QUEEN
EXPLODED?

RESERVED JUDGE
let’s/ stay on topic

DRAG QUEEN
I EXPLODED?
HOW DID I EXPLODE?

SCARY JUDGE
FOCUS
            beat
there were many performances
at which you have “eaten” in the past
haven’t there been?

DRAG QUEEN
…
depends who you ask

SCARY JUDGE
don’t be coy
would you not say
that at many performances you’ve given
including your final performance
you did indeed “eat”?

DRAG QUEEN
i guess

JUDGE
and did you thank God afterwards?

            silence

DRAG QUEEN
did i thank God?

SCARY JUDGE
after “eating”
did you take the time
to thank God for your blessings?

DRAG QUEEN
was i supposed to?

SCARY JUDGE
the Torah is quite/ clear

DRAG QUEEN
i’m not Jewish/
hell i’m not anything

RESERVED JUDGE
/this is not Hell as we said

SCARY JUDGE
we are commanded to bless the Almighty after eating

DRAG QUEEN
isn’t that about eating food?
like saying grace or whatever?

RESERVED JUDGE
it’s more expansive than that

FRIENDLY-BUT-MEEK JUDGE
i cannot tell you how many times we get this question
someone really needs to/ clear it up down there

DRAG QUEEN
okay okay umm
then i bless Him now
God
i bless Him so so so hard
i thank Him for allowing me to serve so hard in life
and i hope i can continue to do so in death

FRIENDLY-BUT-MEEK JUDGE
you think God is a Him?
            genuinely hurt
i thought you’d be better than that

DRAG QUEEN
no no no not like Him like a man like-

SCARY JUDGE
so you freely admit to never thanking God
after you “ate” onstage?

DRAG QUEEN
i do not BELIEVE in God

RESERVED JUDGE
not even now?

SCARY JUDGE
ignorance of the eternal edicts is not excuse for violating the eternal edicts

DRAG QUEEN
HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?

RESERVED JUDGE
we find you guilty for not/ blessing God appropriately

DRAG QUEEN
does God like drag?/
i could do some great drag in heaven

RESERVED JUDGE
-and so as stated in the Book of Isaiah
“on the corpses of those who rebelled against Me
their worms shall not die
nor their fire be quenched
they shall be a horror
to all flesh”

            thousands of worms emerge from the pores of the DRAG QUEEN

            the cover her body

            she spontaneously combusts

            she screams in agony as the fire burns

            and then just as quickly as the horrors began

            she vanishes with the fire and worms

FRIENDLY-BUT-MEEK JUDGE
pity
but
i suppose
it’s an ongoing project
battling internalized sexism
isn’t it?

RESERVED JUDGE
we have no gender what does it matter?

FRIENDLY-BUT-MEEK JUDGE
we can still aim to be the better ageless spectral nonhuman judges

SCARY JUDGE
FOCUS
            beat
bring in the next one

            END OF PLAY